Distant

I am at a family gathering and am having a hard time being engaged. I can't do this. My stomach is uneasy, my head hurts and I feel like running. Running to sonewhere, where I can be alone and cry out my pain. No one around me knows about Simon and I. I'm suffering in silence.

This is so painful. I feel like throwing myself off a bridge, so I don't have to feel this.

I haven't felt these feelings before. I just want to die. I want to be with him. I want to see his beautiful green eyes, that stared into mine, down to my soul. I always thought we'd meet and love on another with the passion that grew within our souls. I always found solice in knowing that he was out there, somewhere, alive.

I always imagined myself with his warmth. My head resting gently upon his lap, while he read a book; indoors, from the cold English winter. I wanted to play happy families and walk hand-in-hand with him, along the cornish shore. He promised me that we would. He promised. He promised.

I wonder if he's safe. I wonder if he's ever by my side. I wonder if he came to me and rested a kiss upon my face. Oh, I wish he would. I want a sign. Something solid that I would not doubt,  as it was something of us.

Dear Simon , my love, I love you. Forever and until eternity. My green eyes..

Simon's brother read my message. I know because it is time stamped. 4:00 am, my time. 12:00, his time. He did not respond. I am left to mourn on my own. I must do this and be invisible with my feelings...all the while, hurting so deeply inside.

My Love...

I feel your love
With tears upon my face.
Memories recall
The tiny world we created.
Please don't forget
Please don't leave
Stand by me forever
Until we both can meet.

Your Heart and Soul,

Me