Thanksgiving Memories

I was thinking of you Simon, when this came through the radio:


When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Yes...if course it can be worse, but it hurts like hell.

Today is Thanksgiving and I was remembering years ago, when people on your profile were telling you "Happy Thanksgiving" of all sorts. I remember you telling me "I don't know why everyone keeps leaving me 'a Happy Thanksgiving' I don't even celebrate it." I thought it was funny because it dawned on me that you were 'different' than me. That in fact you were British and didn't partake in Yankee Holidays.

I miss your voice and could hear you answer the phone. I would call you and hear the quick ring-ring of your phone, then hear the click and a deep "Hiya". I would say, "Hi Simon, how are you!" And your reply, "hiya, how are you." I recall you saying that my voice always sounded like sunshine. That I sounded like pure happiness. Indeed I did, it was because my heart beat out of my chest every chance I got, to call you. My heart would pound every time
I would press 0-11-44-03216 and your number.

Just to hear your voice. One more time. Just one more time. I wasn't brave enough to tell you all I had to say. I wish I could've told you everything one last time. Everything you wanted to hear because it was all true. It always was.

If I could I'd tell you that: I love you. I always have. I want to be with only you. And that I want to kiss your sweet lips and be held in your warm and loving arms...and that I am wasting no time, to be yours because I've booked the next flight.

Unlucky I am because I will never have the chance. No matter how hard I try because you are dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. I hate God for that. I hate that you were taken away at such a young age. We never got the chance to properly end it all. To say goodbye. Too see one another in the flesh; in the same time and space...not just merely at the same time.

We had such a mutual emotional connection. It ran way deep and through the burning of my soul. I have and never had that with anyone before.  Can I ever get that chance? Will I? It's hard knowing what it feels like because I was never able to have it.

I love you sweet Simon.